It All Started With Ice Cream
by Demons' Mistresses
Summary: Valmont just wanted to celebrate his freedom and Captain Black just wanted some ice cream, but things go quickly downhill for them when they cross paths, and something seems to be wrong with Jade.


**A/N**: This story was written together by the both of us so that one of us wrote a paragraph or two and showed only the last line to the other person, who continued it, revealed only the last line, and so on. We wrote this while we were spending Christmas together and decided to do something silly. If you're really bored, you can try to guess which one of us wrote which parts.

**

* * *

IT ALL STARTED WITH ICE CREAM**

It was a perfectly normal Monday when Valmont was taking a walk in downtown San Francisco. It was great to be free of Shendu! He decided to celebrate by having lunch at his favourite restaurant.

Suddenly he saw Captain Black purchasing ice cream. He did a double-take. Surely that wasn't really...? Valmont narrowed his eyes. No, his eyes were not deceiving him. That really was none other than Captain Black himself. Purchasing ice cream of all things. The scene was so surreal, the man looking so out of place there... A smirk slowly formed on Valmont's lips.

This was the perfect opportunity. Captain Black threw away the triple chocolate and vanilla waffle ice cream he had been waiting for the whole morning and hurled his weight on the unsuspecting British crime lord.

"You aren't getting away this time! I'll have you no matter what it takes!" he yelled as he tried to pin Valmont to the ground. Valmont fought back with all he had. He would not go back to a Section 13 cell!

Just then Jackie walked by and saw Captain Black and Valmont wrestling on the pavement while excited passers-by were making bets. He gasped and hurried over to the struggling pair, shoving aside the passers-by who were standing on his way. His friend was fighting against his nemesis all on his own! Jackie just had to help him. With a battle cry, Jackie leapt into the air and aimed a flying kick at Valmont.

Valmont was ready and dodged Jackie's attack, grabbing the man's foot and twisting it so that Jackie fell off balance and stumbled. He fell against the ice cream cart so that it was knocked over and galleons of chocolate, strawberry and vanilla gushed to the pavement and turned it into a sea of brown, pink and white. While Jackie was apologizing to the ice cream guy, Valmont used his chance and ran off.

"Quick, Jackie! The ice cream cart!" Captain Jackie yelled. Jackie immediately grabbed the cart.

"I'll bring it back later! Thank you!" he said to the seller.

Captain Black was sitting on the cart while Jackie was pushing it as they chased after Valmont.

"Hey! What the heck are you doing?!" shouted the ice cream man, trying to chase after them. "Give back my cart, you lunatics!"

Jackie and Captain Black ignored him and continued chasing after Valmont.

"Faster, Jackie!" shouted Captain Black. "We're going to lose him!"

"Have you thought of going on a diet?" asked Jackie, frowning.

"It's not my fault if Thursday is Doughnut Day at Section 13," Captain Black said defensively as he got off Jackie.

"Excuses, excuses," said Valmont with a smirk as he stood over the two men, tapping his cane against the ground. "In fact," he continued, "now I'm no longer surprised you were purchasing that ice cream."

"Alright, that's enough out of you. You're under arrest!" Captain Black snapped.

"Who, me?" asked Jackie, more confused than ever.

"No, of course not!" said Captain Black, peeved. For such an intelligent scholar, Jackie could be quite slow sometimes. "I was talking to him!" Black continued, pointing at empty air.

Valmont and Jackie turned to look at each other. Valmont smiled snidely.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Did I maybe hit his head too hard in our struggle?" he asked, feigning innocence.

"Augustus, who are you talking about?" Jackie asked and turned his back to Valmont.

"Him! He's right there!" Black said. There was still nothing.

"Well, this has been fun, but I'm afraid some of us have real work to do. Tata!" Valmont said. He was about to leave when an amused cackle stopped him.

They could only stare as the shape of a very familiar person started to take shape.

"Jade?!" gasped Jackie.

"Hey, guys! I thought you'd need a little hand!" said the girl, grinning quite innocently. A bit too innocently, perhaps.

_Of course_, Jackie thought to himself ruefully. He shouldn't have been surprised, really. This was so typical of Jade that it had become a bit of a cliché.

"Wait a minute," said Captain Black, "how do we know if this is really Jade?"

"But of course it is Jade! I know my niece," Jackie said and placed his hands on Jade's shoulders.

"I don't know, Chan. The way she was just acting seemed quite suspicious to me," Valmont said.

Jackie looked from one man to another. "I can't believe this! Are you both turning against me? I knew to expect it from you, Valmont, but we're friends, Augustus!" he said.

Captain Black sighed. "I'm sorry, Jackie, but this wouldn't be the first time some evil entity takes over Jade's body," he said.

"The girl is a magnet for trouble," Valmont pointed out.

"You're both crazy," Jade said, but suddenly he became aware of how cold Jade's skin really was.

All right, so maybe they weren't so crazy. Or maybe _he_ was crazy. Surely this couldn't be possible...?

He knelt down in front of Jade so he could be at eye-level with her and held her by the shoulders, a concerned look on his face.

"Jade? Are you all right?"

"BRAINS!" she shouted in a demonic voice.

"Oh, my God!" Captain Black screamed at the top of his lungs and clutched at Valmont. The Brit shoved him roughly aside.

"Hands off me, you oaf!" he snapped.

Jackie could only stare in shock at what had once been his niece.

"Jade! What happened?" he asked.

"Must... have... brains..." Jade gurgled and started to approach the trio.

"If you want to stay for this family gathering, fine with me, but I'm out of here," Valmont said, but Captain Black grabbed his tie and pulled him back.

"You aren't going anywhere," Black said.

"But why should I care about any of this?" Valmont asked.

"We have no time to argue," Jackie said. "If we can lure Jade into Uncle's shop, he should be able to turn her back to normal."

"But how are we going to do that?"

"Well, I suppose we should use some kind of bait..."

"Such as...?"

"I don't know! What could possibly attract her attention?"

They all fell silent, deep in thought.

Suddenly, Captain Black spoke up: "Wait, what happened to Valmont?"

"Oops," said Uncle who had appeared suddenly. "My blow fish is past the expiration date! The spell went all wrong!"

"What spell?" Valmont's voice asked.

"The spell that was meant to cure Jade! Uncle has been chasing her all day!" the old man snapped. He pointed to Tohru who was telling a very angry taxi driver that the smell of mung beans would go away... in time.

"So what happened to me?" Valmont asked in worry.

"Bleh, it's just an invisibility spell. It will wear off," Uncle said. Then the door opened and closed on its own. Valmont was gone.

Jackie and Captain Black groaned as they realised what to do.

"Jackie, you take zombie Jade. I'll deal with invisible Valmont," Black said.

"I can manage Jade," said Jackie. This was nothing new to him, after having to deal with demons, wizards, magical ninjas, vampires, and whatnot. "But how are you going to deal with someone you can't see?"

"I just need lots and lots of paint!"

Once he had the paint, Black ran to where he guessed Valmont would be – robbing a bank. He rushed inside the building just in time to see how two bags of cash were floating in the air as the clerks and customers stared in shock.

"This ends here, Valmont!" Black yelled and threw the paint on where he estimated the man to be. The shape of a figure coated in pink paint immediately appeared.

"My suit!" Valmont shrieked.

"The money!" the bank manager yelled.

"The floor!" the cleaning lady cried.

Black snapped on the handcuffs and started to take a very angry and pink Valmont to where they were meant to meet the others.

"I don't want to go there!" protested Valmont, a whine creeping into his voice. "I refuse to let Chan see me like this! This is humiliating enough as it is!"

"You should have thought of that before you became an invisible criminal mastermind!" Black snapped back.

Meanwhile, Jackie had managed to purchase some jelly and use it to make something resembling a human brain. It would have been quite a good imitation, if not for the fact that it was as colourful as a rainbow and slowly falling apart.

"Here, Jade! Come get the pretty, tasty brain!" said Jackie, hoping she wouldn't notice it was beginning to melt in his hands.

"Brains!" Jade shrieked and jumped to sink her teeth into the ice cream brain. She quickly realised her mistake and started sputtering ice cream all around, but it was too late. Jackie took a firm hold of the girl's shirt and wouldn't let go.

"Now we're going to Uncle," Jackie announced.

When they got to the others, Jackie was stunned to notice that Uncle, Tohru, Black and Valmont were all having ice cream together. Uncle had mung bean flavour, Tohru had grape, and Black had lemon. Valmont's ice cream tasted of Earl Grey.

"I bet he also eats it with his pinky finger sticking out," muttered Captain Black.

"Well, it's better than the jelly brain, at any rate," said Jade, with a grimace.

Valmont ignored them all. Only a genuine Britishman such as himself could ever appreciate the sheer wonder that was Earl Grey.

Just then, Uncle showed up with a greenish ice cream cone in his hand. Everyone stared at him in confusion and surprise. The old man had never seemed the type to eat ice cream. As if reading their minds, Uncle glared.

"It's made of mung beans!" he snapped. "It's good for digestion!"

"Oh, that's it! I've had it! I'm going home," Valmont announced.

"Wait up, I think I need the company of someone sane now," Captain Black said.

And that's how they all went to have a party at Valmont's house.


End file.
